


Please,don't marry her!

by AvidogEiram



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Engagement, Explicit Language, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Happy Ending, Kissing, M/M, Men Crying, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Swearing, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:35:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26484271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvidogEiram/pseuds/AvidogEiram
Summary: Set in 1974.John and Freddie love each other more than anything,until John finds out he's going to be a father.That will change their lives forever.How will they go on after that?Is there a future for them?"-Talk to...-We should talk...Neither of them knew how to continue. John felt it was only fair for him to start before it was too late and Freddie would enchant him even more.-Freddie, honey, you know I love you, don't you?-Of course I know, but you don't usually say it. Something's wrong!-Please listen to me and don't interrupt!
Relationships: John Deacon/Freddie Mercury, John Deacon/Veronica Tetzlaff, Mary Austin/Freddie Mercury
Kudos: 7





	Please,don't marry her!

By the end of 1974 the long waited real success, the big breakthrough was finally there for Queen,not only waiting on the doorstep, but bursting through the door,thanks to Freddie's genius. Freddie knew only four of them could make it this big,without each other they couldn't have worked this out and he respected and loved them so much, but of course he had to show the world a different kind of face. Freddie matured musically,but there was something else that surrounded him, an elusive feeling that attracted everyone like a magnet.But, of course, very few knew that what flowed from him could be thanked to only one man. His angel, his muse, for whom he gave thanks to fate every day.Because he believes in fate, he believes that nothing happenes by accident, he knew it when he he had fallen in love on that cold winter day for more than 3 years ago and he did not protest against it for a single moment. He needed John, he missed every minute without him and the feeling chained him to John.And to his greatest happiness, John felt the same, as if looking in a mirror, as if he had found a home in him.Stormy ,but very beautiful loving 3 years are behind them.

Freddie accepted, though with a heavy heart, that John had a girlfriend, he said he had to have her,because his life was too complicated and he didn't want to constantly explain himself , he didn't want to disappoint anyone. He had a trumatic childhood after losing his older brother and his father,who was full of grief and John had no heart to break his mother's heart. Freddie couldn’t do anything, John was like that, and he had to accept that. But he couldn’t say a word, he didn’t complain, because he had a woman too in his life with a similar motivation , so he understood John’s inner struggle. But things changed, success came and they could spend less and less time together and they had to be much more careful. They could no longer hide unnoticed. And it placed a heavy burden on their shoulders. Freddie had seen in John's eyes many times that he was tired of being afraid ,that he would sometimes run away from his own feelings. But he wasn't able. He had a fear that someone or something would tear this bond apart and his heart would break into million pieces. But something has changed lately, John loved him the same way, he trusted him the same way, he felt it because everything worked between them, every minute spent together was a catharsis to his soul, be it a conversation, a lovemaking or working together,but something was odd. They were so one, but something has changed.

Freddie was shocked by the ringing of the phone.  
-Mary speaking!  
-Hi, Mary, it's John!  
-Hi John,I call him to the phone!  
Mary handed the phone to Freddie with a smile. Freddie knew that smile, he had long confessed to Mary the truth about himself ,who accepted it, though Freddie was smarter than not knowing why Mary was staying by his side, instead of moving on to give herself a chance of true happiness. He offered it to her, but Mary didn't want any of it. So she stayed with him, of and course she understood Freddie's struggles. After all, he adored Mary and it was good to have someone to count on if he needed to. She also had affairs, he just asked her to do it unnoticed,because after all, in the eyes of the outside world she was his partner.So they shared the same fate and it somewhat connected them.  
-Freddie, it's him!  
Freddie's heart jumped out of his chest, as always, if only John crept into his thoughts, not that he didn't always think of him, Freddie was sorry for his own weak heart, but he couldn't do anything about it. He had to calm down his body if that damn soul of his had just turned against him in the wrong place, so he rather quickly thwarted his thoughts several times.  
-My love! Why are you calling here? What's wrong?  
-Freddie ....  
Freddie knew there was something wrong, he had settled for it, he simply knew from the vibration of John's voice, the tone of his voice, that something had happened, he knew because he was reading him.  
-Can we meet? At the usual place? Tonight?  
-Tonight? But tonight .... okay.Then tonight.I'll organize.  
-Yes,please,thank you.  
Fear spread in Freddie, their meetings usually required more planning, so he knew his fear was real. Freddie arranged everything for the evening, dropped a couple of phones, and he was ready, whether the news was bad or good. He lived in it, in fear, but of course he didn't bring this to John's attention many times, it was enough that he just loved him for as long as he could. Freddie waited impatiently for his love, and after they hadn't even talk about what time to meet, he just waited. He couldn't think of anything else anyway , as John's scent was with him when he picked up the pillow that lay beside him. He wasn't been able to admit that every time he stealed a drop of John's perfume so that he could always smell him and remember him. It was enough for him,if only John was in his presence he just started living. John took him in another dimension. Was this the true love, he asked himself many times, because he had never felt anything even close to this ,so it had to be.  
The ringing of the key in the lock awoken him from his daydreaming. 

John dialed Freddie's number with trembling hands. He heard Mary's voice across the line, which made him suddenly jump, he wished Mary said he wasn't at home, he can't reach him,he wasn't even in the country, he moved into space, anything, just let him not talk to him. The loud beating of Veronica's leg on the wooden floor felt like knife stabs in his heart. So he just did what Veronica asked him to ,he tells everything to Freddie tonight. John knew that Freddie knew there was something wrong, he knew that Freddie was reading from him like from an opened book. He can't lie to him, even when he's actually lying to him. His words are ,yes, but his body can't lie to Freddie. He knows that Freddie already feels that something has changed, but he didn't ask anything, but trusted him. A week ago his life changed forever. How could he tell it to him? How could he break his sweet lover's heart forever?He started thinking to just write a letter and send it to him and run away and no longer look back, only forward.Because he has only the future left.Another future.He knows that everything is over.Never in his whole life he was so afraid of anything as the thought of the future.He imagined until the end of his life that coming along ,those long years ,with Freddie in it, he was there holding hands, fused together in a common destiny, as it was written in the stars. He never dared to say this silly nonsense, he never believed in it, but of course as soon as Freddie burst into his life and opened his closed heart and soul and he turned his whole world upside down, he began to believe in fate , especially in himself,which was a huge gift from him and could never be more grateful for anything in life than for Freddie, who showed him the way and he followed him through fire and water. Who he loved more than anything in the whole world, even when his realistic self, which unfortunately always slapped him in the face and yanked him back to the ground, even then he shuddered at the thought of losing Freddie.He would just die.  
But unfortunately everything good ends once, this is the nature of life and he lost so much already in his life.He tortured himself with such thoughts.For a week now his brain just felt numb, he could not think, he did not want to think.Freddie is asking him constantly to pull himself together at the rehearsals, because the Rainbow concert is on their necks', he should focus on that, but he just can't. And Freddie was throwing on him many "Fucks" and "I love yous"in front of everyone,oh and how many times John took advantage of it, how many times he punished Freddie for his carelessness, how many times he made love to him until nearly fainting ,because of this behaviour.He remembered those steamy nights with a heavy heart. John felt a tear drop down his face, he didn't know he was crying, he didn't feel it,because for a week his soul was just crying.  
-This is ridicioulus John, grow up!  
said Veronica with a venom in her voice. John didn't do anything against her, he knew it that this was all his fault, he didn't want to blame it on Freddie. Even if Freddie made mistakes too, but John just couldn't put this on his shoulders. It's his and Veronica's fault. 

John dropped his keys on the small table that was in the small apartment he knew so much, every corner, the color of the wallpaper, all the patterns he could draw from his head, all the small cracks on the floor, the old musty smell he first resented , but by now it was dear to his heart because it reminded him of Freddie. Freddie would probably scream that John thinks of him because of the musty smell, not a bunch of roses. He smiled instinctively as he entered their apartment, but now everything was so different, there was no life in the colors now, the scents didn't creep into his nose and didn't bring his senses to life because he was dying inside, so he just stood in the middle of the hall and scanned the wall, he looked at the floor, the ceiling, the pictures, even a cartilage with admiration, he wanted to remember everything he had to let go. Suddenly he felt a strange warmth on the back of his neck, of course, Freddie just looked at him, he knew, he could feel it, his smell must have crept into his nose, the energy he was pouring from himself and had already reacted with his body,as usual if he was already in Freddie's presence and he always laughed at that fact,the number of times his own body fell victim to Freddie, he fell to his knees from Freddie's single gaze, before he could think about whether it was a foolish decision to squeeze against the studio wall to enjoy Freddie swallowing his cock while the others went out for a coffee.But there was nothing to do, he was simply helpless and depended on that feeling. Forever.And now he is losing it. Will there be something or someone who will cure him out of this?And this thought has broken his heart a hundred times.  
-John?  
Freddie's voice penetrated his soul like a bullet. He felt his voice tremble and headed for the exit, put his hand on the doorknob, paused for a moment before fleeing cowardly, but suddenly his whole body flared into flames and all the air escaped his lungs .Well, of course, Freddie just touched him, just grabbed his wrist.  
-John, what the hell? Where are you going? You called me here. To John's greatest sorrow, he looked into Freddie's questioning eyes and he was lost there. There was no time, no space, no life. Only he and Freddie. He grabbed Freddie's two shoulders and pushed him against the wall without any explanation and began to kiss his shiny, soft red lips. The whole apartment was covered in the symphony of their passion in the form of little moans and sweet sighs.  
-Talk to...  
-We should talk...  
Neither of them knew how to continue. John felt it was only fair for him to start before it was too late and Freddie would enchant him even more.  
-Freddie, honey, you know I love you, don't you?  
-Of course I know, but you don't usually say it. Something's wrong!  
-Please listen to me and don't interrupt!  
John cursed himself for his cruelty by asking Freddie to listen, even though he should beg on his knees ,because he was ruining his life. But he knew that with his dominance he could make Freddie do anything for him.  
-Okay.  
John wasn't able to look into Freddie's eyes. He pushed him into the living room, sat him on the couch, and closed his heart to all the memories that haunted him on that couch ,because otherwise he could never do this.  
-Freddie.Veronica is pregnant and I'm going to marry her. Her parents will arrange everything. Of course, we would be happy to see you too, because we're friends and you're a member of the band.  
John said it finally,there wasn't the slightest emotion on his face. What cruelty, but he couldn't do it any other way. His soul was dead and he hated himself. Freddie was speechless, the pain teared his tongue out. He just looked at John with a horror in his eyes he and felt the room turn around with him and he had to gasp for air. He simply could not comprehend what he had heard, that he was just able to tell something like this to him in this way, only that way. The pain was suddenly replaced by anger, what his immeasurable pride took over. At least his dignity remained once he had lost everything else.  
-Pregnant?  
He asked in a bored voice, he himself didn't know where he had the strength from to do it, when he roared inside, when he would have preferred to smash the whole apartment, when he would have preferred to kneel and beg John not to do this to him.  
-I didn't even know you slept with her. Why? What did I do? Because knowing you, you want to sew this around my neck too, you're too coward, sometimes you're so coward. So what did I do, wasn't I good enough? You think I don't know how many times you wished I was a woman ,that how much easier your life would be? Is it better to fuck her? I doubt it. So how much more is she better than me, besides being a woman?  
-Shut up you!  
-You know...go to fucking hell.Why should I shut up? So?  
Freddie felt he could die at that moment, though he never wanted to feel anything in life again, never, never again, he never even imagined such pain existed.Not even when his virginity was forcibly taken away from him, not even that,not even when he was beaten,not even when he was ridiculed,not even when he was hated being gay,not even when the racists dragged him by the hair didn’t hurt so much. John became angry of the way Freddie talked to him,it was not typical of him, but of course it would be ridiculous to think that he could expect anything else from him after that, he was most angry with himself and the whole world.  
-Freddie, do you think you didn't have a role in this? Recently, everything else is more important, interviews, photos, parties, so-called evening dinners with record labels, or your visits to gay bars. I told you I wouldn't go there with you. I told you. I watch as your little self-esteem drives into the arms of others. You think I don't know, I know you. But I didn't say a word about your life.  
-Are you serious about this now? Have you ever seen me with anyone? Do you know what you're talking about? And why didn't you talk to me anyway, why didn't you ask me?  
-I was afraid of the answer that I'm no longer good enough for you, that I'm not good enough for you.  
-Well, of course, it's my fault. Surely. Maybe I haven't shown you enough how much I ..... but now it doesn't matter.  
-Fuck, yeah, I became jealous of everything and everyone, I felt like you were starting to move away as success came.  
-John, you wanted this success too, don't be hypocritical, don't pretend you didn't want it too, you could have left a long time ago and now you could work in your profession to please your mother's wishes, but you didn't go and it's not my fault that everyone only sees me and they don't even notice you. And only a gray mouse like Victoria noticed you or what the fuck is her name? And that was enough for you?  
Freddie knew he was over the target, but he had already said it. The trouble is, if he didn't have to hate her, he would even like Veronica, he knew how good she was good for him, how well they matched, and basically a nice girl like Mary, although he saw in her eyes the same thing as in Mary's. The calculation, how she used his weakness and how she poisoned his mind.Of course, that wasn't an excuse for John, but he knew how weak and coward he could be sometimes.But that's why he could never be angry with him, because he knew how to be tricked, just like him. But now all his nerves were full of anger and frustration, he didn't really understand what he was hearing, his brain protested and his heart had become a stone.  
-Freddie, please forgive me. It was a huge mistake for I have to pay a huge price.  
-Do you think I care? Just don't tell me that it was just an accident, just a weak moment. No. You've long wanted to get rid of me, the burden that all this means , that you loved me, and that you can't accept this, that I am a man you have to touch, you think I don't know, it wouldn't be the first time you run away. But you know what, it's perfect. You brilliantly planned this,I underestimated you.Because when you left me first, you killed me, but you just crawled back, I remember you being, almost on all fours, and I took you back. I mean, I'm lying, you know exactly what you want, but I'm not in it. You have had the success that I have created for you, you have gained fame, you no longer need me, you have now grabbed yourself what the famous renowned John Richard Deacon needs to be happy ,an exemplary loyal family father.You are ridiculous.So far they haven't noticed you, now you think they will ?No ,just another bass player, easy come, easy go.You think you stayed in the band because of your hell great talent, please , you stayed because I let you fuck me. You think Brian and Roger didn't want to get rid of you a long time ago, no, they see what kind of person you are, I just persuaded them to leave you alone ,if nothing else at least your cock is huge and you fuck well.Or should I ask Victoria ,or what's the name of the cunt that she agrees with me? I'll call her to ask if the lovely little John came in her hands and enjoyed it as loudly as in my hands? I pity you, but you know what, be happy, I don't give a fuck, if this is what you need. I don't care, you could have just tell me earlier you pathetic nobody. This is enough. 

Freddie's body was literally trembling, cold, he was sick, dizzy. What he said to John hurt him more than he imagined. Though it was a ridiculous thought to drag himself into the belief that it hurt John. He had just been banished from his life forever. Forever? But how to go on now? Freddie felt that there was no tomorrow.No future.Where could he escape from John?A few days and the concert is here, but he did not care, he didn't want go, resign, quit the band and lock himself in the crypt of his pain .  
-Are you done, Freddie? Are you finally letting me speak?  
John was prepared that Freddie would react that way, he knew that if he was hurt, he would attack. Because he knew all the strings of his soul, on which he always played wonderful melodies. John watched helplessly as his lover sank into hell ,into which he pushed.He will die in this earthly hell, how could he make up for his mistake, how he could he save himself? He didn’t know the answers. And the most important question for he was waiting to an answer is, how will he live after this, how could he live without Freddie? He watched Freddie wordlessly. Although he asked to speak first, he was now unable to speak. Freddie just stared into the distance with glassy eyes, as if no more soul dwelt in those talkative eyes, as if he had died, as if he had killed him . Suddenly Freddie grabbed his arm and pulled him with him.John suddenly couldn't react. He grabbed him and pushed him out of the door and slammed it with elemental force. Nothing hurt anymore ,because he no longer felt anything ,like he was destroyed and defeated. He didn't want to think about the past or the present, he couldn't think about the future ,because he didn't have it anymore. He didn't cry, didn't shed any tears after that, as if something had taken away all of John's memories and all the feelings he had ever felt for him with a single sentence. His soul became empty.  
John knew what he should do, run back into Freddie's arms, break the door, and beg him, but he didn't. Something broke down in him forever, and he felt lighter and freer than ever. And it struck him in the heart. A heavy burden was fallen from his shoulders,he is the one who actually tore that bond and the one who is about to get married.That feeling literally made him run away from the apartment, he couldn't say the final word. John walked home shattered and helpless. Veronica was waiting for him at home and when he entered she just looked at him questioningly.  
-You're over it?  
Veronica's plan wasn't to see this on John's face, like he was destroyed, as if a stranger was standing in front of her. Maybe she underestimated how much Freddie really meant to him. But she was more wise than that ,if she already won this battle, she will not lose the war.She thought now she will beautifully build her future , costs what it costs. Maybe sometimes she lets Freddie into his arms if she has to, but she doesn't care, the wheel is in her hands from now on, more precisely she carries it under his heart. And even Freddie can't have a bigger weapon than that.  
-Don't say a word to me, not today. Go home. Or stay, I don't care, but leave me alone.  
Veronica was smarter than to just get into this insult now ,she stores the venom for another time, which she would give to John when she needed to. Now she has John and she has everything that comes with John. 

The next day, when they both woke up, they wished they hadn’t, they might have had a couple of peaceful moments until reality slapped them in the face and wished to get back to the land of dreams. Everything lost its color, its taste, its smell. Nothing is as it was, only hopelessness moved into their hearts. They didn't know how they were going to look into each other's eyes at all. But life goes on and the chariot rumbles on. They both mechanically got dressed and headed to the theater to rehearse. They were sure it would be one of the most embarrassing moments of their lives when they saw each other again, but they had to face it. 

John asked Veronica to sit down and not to go after him, who complied with his request, but she watched the events with caution, because until John didn't sign the papers, she was not completely safe. So Veronica took a seat next to Mary, whom she didn't particularly like because she was too lenient with Freddie, if Mary had tried harder to keep Freddie in check, John would have been hers earlier , but he was like a piece of wood, he didn't want to touch her ,until he explained why. And of course he rushed to Mary, she unfolded her cards had to see if the two of them would blow up the couple, but Mary couldn't be persuaded to do so. He didn't want Freddie,his friendship was enough for her and the comfort and the luxury she got in return. Her plans aren't too big. Veronica just pitied her for this and thought she is stupid.

Freddie watched them secretly, out of the corner of his eyes, finding it an incredible impudence that John, a day after seperating their ways for the future in two directions ,after that he already paraded next to his fiancé, but there was nothing he could do against it. As always in Freddie's presence, John just knew exactly where Freddie stood without actually seeing him,he just looked there and their souls were connected when they looked into each other's eyes.And the same weakness, the same unhappiness, the same pain was reflected in their eyes. John walked after him when Freddie went into the locker room after that.  
-John, I understand, I understand, there is no need to talk, I am not angry. Believe me, be enough here.  
And he left John. But before that, the pain that glistened in John's eyes pierced his heart like a dagger.  
And the days went by ,the same every day, they got up and did their things soullessly. Living without each other was unbearable for them.Being next to each other, yet without each other and there was no way out of it, day after day they had to face the other. 

They didn’t feel anything on the day of the concert, just a little excitement, but it's just that they wanted to meet the audience. Not each other. The first half of the concert went well, John was unable to control himself, his heart could not bear Freddie's beauty, his soul simply died. If he had to live without Freddie, he would rather turn his back on everything and never look back. He decided to take turns while Brian and Roger were doing their solos.In that 5-10 minutes given while Brian and Roger were on stage, he would take matters into his own hands. He closed the door in Freddie's locker room behind him. He grabbed Freddie's arm, as he did a few days before in the apartment, and although he should have changed, he escorted Freddie at the end of the room, who was already half-wearing his black overalls, but his upper body was still naked.  
-Freddie, listen and don't interrupt! I'm seriously asking you not to intervene, because what I will say ,I will say only once. I love you, you are the love of my life, you know, I know our lives are complicated, so far it has been, you know I'm scared and I know you're scared too, I know that our lives are based on secrets and I know that it will never change.I know that our families would never accept us together.But! If I have to live without you, tell me here and now and then I will disappear forever.I say to God I will go and I will not look back and you know, you know that I'll do it, just say it. If I have to do it, if I have to, I'll put Paul McCartney himself in my place, but I need to know. Do you ever want to be with me again, do you want to ever talk to me again, honestly and openly, as before, do you want to be my friend, do you want to be my everything?  
John was in absolute panic,because if Freddie says no, he will lose everything.  
-Yes .... yes I want to god damn it . You know I want to.  
-Okay.  
John's soul burst into tears, as did Freddie's. They didn't know how, they didn't know how long it would take to recover from it, but they knew that one day they will succeed.He watched his love wordlessly as he dressed up. They didn't need words, they just looked into each other's eyes and they knew they will handle whatever the fate will bring their way.Becuse they loved each other so much they could never let go.


End file.
